|Parent:||Why don't you come socialize with the family?|
|Me:||*sits with family*|
|Me:||*gets insulted by entire family*|
|Me:||*goes back to bedroom*|
The crow is so cool. Wow.
I have a story.
So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake.
When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”
And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”
He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.
All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”
|Tourist:||Could you give us directions to Olive Garden?|
|New Yorker:||No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant.|
|Tourist:||I came here to have a good time and honestly I am feeling so attacked right now.|
how to get girls to like you:
- compliment their eyebrows
- eat them out
IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER JUST BREATHE IN THE HELIUM OUT OF A BALLOON AND HAVE AN ARGUMENT AND THE FIRST ONE TO LAUGH LOSES
you just put every marriage counsellor out of business
i’m home sick with the flu and i just received this email from my father
STOP REBLOGGING THIS MY DAD THINKS HE’S SOME INTERNET SENSATION AND HE WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT
still Hangin with Yo frienz one year later
i love when old people figure out how to do something on a computer that’s actually really simple but to them it’s like
wanna know what a cow looks like washed and blow dried?
that is what a cow looks like washed and blow dried
FLUFFY MILK HORSE